@Hadzilla: Halloween '94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?

@zwina_summer: My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn't enough time.

@decentbirthday: Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious

@thatstings: Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger

@RandomRamblr: Guys who resent their friends for not sharing their hair products are gel less.