@sammyrhodes: Probably a good thing I'm not a ghost cause I'd just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheMichaelRock: Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker.
@PaulSchissler: People are lot less judgey when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole
@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny
@MUMSIEesq: [HOSPITAL] DOCTOR: "A-tisket a-tasket, you're gonna need a casket." WIFE: "What?" DR: "Your husband's knee surgery did not go well AT ALL."