@kelownagoose: In case of emergency, run faster than everyone else.

@Fred_Delicious: "Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?" "you mean cheese?" [waiter struggling to keep bowl covered] "that does make more sense actually"

@AndyAsAdjective: Respond to every "How was your weekend?" today by staring off into the distance & whispering "So much blood..."

@kamiekaymee: IS YOUR WEDDING GOING TO BE OPEN CASKET?

@lovemydogduck: How many light bulbs does it take to change people?