@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
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@iRowlf: I think these bikers are coming over to give me a group hug because they like the Hello Kitty stickers I put all over their motorcycles.
@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
@moren1ke: i always feel slightly dishonest ticking the "i'm not a robot" box because how do i know, how does anyone know for certain
@ImLeslieChow: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.