@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
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@Beardson: I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.
@BatBatshitcrazy: In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.
@ArfMeasures: ME: This car's perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect