@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
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@AndrewNadeau0: No one told me about Snapchat filters so all this time I've just been taping animals to my face.
@JohnLyonTweets: I just brushed my hair while wearing a fuzzy sweater and now I can make a streetlight come on by touching it.
@Tharin_P: Bank ads make me want to hide my money under my mattress. They also make me want to acquire some money for hiding, but that's a side issue.