@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner] "u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great" [stops chewing] "why does this taste like chocolate"

@jonnysun: date: so wat do u wana do next me: why dont we slip into somthing more…convertible [climbs into ferrari] date: omg wow is this ur car me: no

@thejessbess: Date: So, what are you passionate about? Me: Haha, have you heard of gravy?

@ReactionBeyonce: Ellen degeneres, one of the greatest humans on earth

@LurkAtHomeMom: 90% of parenting a little girl is chasing her around the house with a hair brush and a ponytail holder.