@ApocalypseHow: Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
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@PerfectPending: Spoiler alert: The fairytale ends with the prince at work, 3 whiney kids, and you are cinderella AND the wicked witch.
@OtherDanOBrien: [God creating me] And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety [the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in] [God shrugs] He'll be fine
@okimstillhungry: Me: *Puts up fake Halloween cob webs* Spider who just woke up from a night of drinking: What the f