@thejessbess: Probably the most valuable life lesson I've learned from a movie is to not steal black girls' cheer routines.
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@girl_a_whirl: [Catholic church] *priest hands out "What To Expect At Your Exorcism" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything
@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.
@SteveKoehler22: Google, Microsoft and Disney are among suitors for Twitter Will it be Twoogle ? Twindows ? The Wonderful World of Tweets ? Be prepared