@weinerdog4life: Probably the slowest way to die is sloth with a knife.
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@CruisinSoozan: I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS
@WheelTod: Did you know if you weigh yourself, then take a dump, then weigh the dump & weigh yourself again, you'll be banned from Walgreens for life?
@TechnicallyRon: Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake.
@CountMackula: Im not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB