@weinerdog4life: Probably the slowest way to die is sloth with a knife.
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@RainbowJohnJ: *addresses the elephant in the room* *puts a stamp on the elephant in the room* "My pen pal is gonna love this."
@geraintgriffith: "This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing." "What's that Sarge?" "Someone's building a pig."
@hellominamoo: I'm going to take all of your tweets that make absolutely zero sense and combine them to make a Red Hot Chili Peppers song