@weinerdog4life: Probably the slowest way to die is sloth with a knife.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!
@sixfootcandy: Me: Wouldn't it be funny if a hawk swooped down and grabbed one of the kids? Him: You need help.
@KalvinMacleod: Alanis Morissette: It’s like 10000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Spoons R Us clerk: Ma’am, nobody asked you to shop here.
@see_more13: When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, "Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better." Well played, Mom. Well played.