@robdelaney: Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
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@cheeky__gal: I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can't tell because I'm eating Doritos.
@aveuaskew: Unreliable eye witness testimony is the reason chameleons are nature's most elusive and successful serial killers.
@AnotherFunnyGuy: Her: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. Me: You do realize I'm your boyfriend right?
@StarWarsProblms: Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor? Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears. Emperor: That sounds plausible.