@robdelaney: Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
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@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no.
@BlindChow: Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. "You mean salami?" No, just a single salamus. "Um ok, anything else on that?" Yes, one pepperonus.
@brianbowman73: I shot a man in Reno, Just to watch him cry. It was just a Nerf gun you big baby!