@robdelaney: Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
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@msdanifernandez: My mom's favorite internet game is "Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?"
@Carbosly: Apparently saying "If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby" is not a good way to congratulate someone.
@murrman5: since you're having surgery tomorrow, get here early and remember no eating after midnight "because of nausea?" no, because you're a gremlin