@KKAlThani: Probably the worst time to ask "shouldn't we go on a date first?" is after getting handcuffed by a police officer.
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@ComedicBust: *On my Deathbed* Me: Tell Tac.. *cough* Wife: What sweetie? Tell who what?! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..
@stevevsninjas: Officer, this ticket says 1:59 am, but thanks to daylight savings, it's now 1:00. So slow down, TimeCop, I haven't committed the crime yet.
@CrazyClarine: After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed.