@KKAlThani: Probably the worst time to ask "shouldn't we go on a date first?" is after getting handcuffed by a police officer.
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@mikejanson2: 5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*
@unravelingfire: Me: Do you like children? Him: Yes, I love them. Me: Good, because I become a huge child when I drink.
@DirtMcTurd: If my girl didn't want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn't have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
@noogscorner: Noah: A boat? God: Yes. Noah: Two of every animal? God: Yes. Noah: I have a better idea. God: What. Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone.