@pan_duh: Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
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@hazelmotes1: My daughter doesn't know I put the last pudding cup in her lunch earlier this evening, so she won't know I took it out and am eating it now.
@WeissBrandon: Cop: do you know why I was following you? Me: WAS following? Wait you unfollowed me? Cop:haha Me:haha Cop... Me... Is it cause of the drugs?
@kelkulus: Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I'd probably have done better if they'd specified that they didn't mean by tickling.