@pan_duh: Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
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@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff
@msdanifernandez: Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
@MoneypennyNaked: Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them.