@nPhelendriqal: "Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint." - mafia spelling bee.

@ruinedpicnic: [a girl favs my tweet] [goes to pharmacy] one condom please

@texasstalkermom: Ways to get me naked: 1. Be hot 2. Be funny 3. Be alcohol 4. Pretend to be my gynecologist

@mattZillaaaa: Tomorrow is my company's office holiday potluck. I really hope they like the french fries I found between my car seat

@Maxine12333: I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head.