@goldengateblond: PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as "late-term abortion." Watch the GOP scramble to stop them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
@Brampersandon_: ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask
@VestaTot: Help 9-1-1! I just found my husband! He's been drugged in his coffee and then stabbed with a pen knife but that didn't work and then shot!