@goldengateblond: PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as "late-term abortion." Watch the GOP scramble to stop them.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Serious question... Would Titanic have been more romantic if they had both died, but holding hands and floating, like otters?
@ieatanddrink: It's so cold out today in Wisconsin I just saw a snowman kill another snowman and crawl inside his body cavity
@SequelsWeWant: Honey I Shrunk the Kids IV: They shrink everyone on earth on purpose The planet will never run out of resources Everyone is eaten by ants
@DiscoFruit: [first date] her: so are you a dog or cat person? me: *long dramatic pause* well... i'm almost positive that i'm just a normal person..?