@goldengateblond: PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as "late-term abortion." Watch the GOP scramble to stop them.
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@RobElliottComic: So everyone knows, it's frowned upon to yell "Hot potato" when someone hands you a baby and toss it back to them
@LoneWolfStories: Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them.
@SoVeryBritish: Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question "you don't remember me do you?"
@NickSwardson: Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It's basically everywhere now.