@NicestHippo: Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with "If you buy this, women will have sex with you"
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@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Some guy called me a siren. It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.
@TheCatWhisprer: They say you should eat 6 small meals a day to lose weight so being an overachiever I have been eating 26 a day.
@Love_bug1016: I'm not saying I hate you but if you were on fire I'd bring sticks and marshmallows.
@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
@OhHiAlyPie: *bursts into bank EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROUND *everyone lies down EVERYONE CLOSE THEIR EYES *everyone closes their eyes EVERYONE NAP
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