@NicestHippo: Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with "If you buy this, women will have sex with you"
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@DannyZuker: "I did not expect to encounter so many snakes when I booked this flight!" #AwfulFirstDraftDialogue
@NoTheOtherJohn: "Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in* "THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!" [voice from the back] "Nobody was going to."
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: Please take off your sunglasses.. Me: Nah, I'm afraid you'll see how high I am
@donni: Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best