@JoParkerBear: Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about.
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@kadyngriffiths: Dream girl: -tall -skinny -can pull off wearing a hat -honest -a fan of the theater -abolished slavery -is Abraham Lincoln
@iMikosnyc: Why yes, person on the Internet, I would love to make $596 per day sitting at home. Let's do this!!!
@WilliamAder: There should be a "Life of Pi" TV show, where they throw a different D-list celebrity in a boat with a tiger every week.
@chicnlil1: Dear boyfriend, i can make ur girlfriend scream louder than u can. Sincerely, spiders