@JoParkerBear: Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about.
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me. Me: Yup, that's how digestion works.
@bridger_w: Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave
@markedly: Me: *accidentally types url wrong one time* Navigation Bar: [every day for 15 years] Do you wanna go to Faceboot today? Huh? You wanna visit a boot with a face on it? Huh, you piece of shit? Is that what you wanna do? Moron.