@JoParkerBear: Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: How many pull-ups can you do? Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses? Me: Almost 1.
@aka_fatman: Papa Bear: I wish he'd Mackle more. Mama Bear: I wish he'd Mackle less. Baby Bear: I tore the throat out of a girl who stole our porridge.
@trojansauce: *drinks milkshake* *runs to yard* *sifts through all the boys* *sighs* *puts up more posters for missing son*