@HatfieldAnne: Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
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@knot_eye: Dear Ad Agencies, Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials. On behalf of dog owners everywhere, Thanks!
@Jenny4ashley: Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you... Congratulations! You're engaged.
@justabloodygame: [shopping for make-up] "Excuse me, what will make my eyes pop?" "I know exactly what you need." [boots you into the vacuum of deep space]