@HatfieldAnne: Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
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@lawking30: She asked for my name, if I'm alone, had me remove belt/shoes & take out what I have in my pants. Interactions w/TSA agents are underrated.
@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.
@toomanytoes: Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard.
@Mister_Veritas: [first day in the mob] *leans over to mafioso* Hey, so, uhh, I've always wondered: are they all just named "Don" or...