@TheBoydP: Protip: If a party guest says "I don't dance" what he's really telling you is "make my drinks stronger please".
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@AdamOfEarth: When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are It's a ball of gas and fire It can't hear you.
@BradBroaddus: INTERVIEWER: Why did you leave your previous job? ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.
@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@fart: Q: Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake? A: a hot air balloon #JonsSafetyTips #Safety #safetyTip #EarthquakeSafetyFacts