@TheBoydP: Protip: If a party guest says "I don't dance" what he's really telling you is "make my drinks stronger please".
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@gobmentcheese: I've worked at my job for 7 years & my boss still hasn't noticed that I only give Magic 8-Ball responses to all of his questions.
@jonnysun: she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? "...there ar plenty of fish in the sea" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
@cool_as_heck: OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit