@Carbosly: Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink.
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@Disalmanac: Today in 1892, JRR Tolkien was born. He wrote about all the horrible things that will happen if you put a ring on it.
@bourgeoisalien: I can't stop coughing. Think I'll go see a movie in a crowded theater while slowly eating a bag of bone-dry popcorn.
@juliussharpe: If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they'd shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
@meganamram: Idea: "Celebrity Price Is Right" where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460