@Carbosly: Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink.
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@mewritesgood: You may recognize me from such films as: HR surveillance footage 11/13/12 HR surveillance footage 01/22/13 HR surveillance footage 02/28/13
@CornOnTheGoblin: ♫ she's just a small time girl workin at Jurassic Woooorld opened a raptor cage now they're everywhere ♫
@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new diet where I order Wendy's salad and then eat all my kids' fries.
@Midlifecrisis18: Sex in your 40's: (Position change) * CRRRACK * Her: Was that me or you? Me: Just go with it, we'll assess injuries later.