@TheBoydP: Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.
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@IncrediblyRich: I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off.
@ChrisThayerSays: I'm still drunk with power after a Jehovah's Witness asked, "'Can I ask you one question?" & I said, "I think you just did," + kept walking.
@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
@ImaFlyontheWall: Fun Prank: When someone wakes from a coma, have everyone dressed in medieval clothes and welcome them back from "The Sleeping Disease"