@TheBoydP: Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.
@kwirkyKerri: You don't need to threaten me into submission. Just hold some cheesecake under my nose.
@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.