@alienated: PSA for librarians: occasionally check how the World Book encyclopedia is arranged on your shelves
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@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog
@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.
@AndyAsAdjective: [Saturday morning, 5:53 am] [a tap on my shoulder wakes me] 8YR OLD: dad, I'm bored