@4SLars: PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.
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@ddsmidt: Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them.
@ObscureGent: If Michael Jackson wasn't buried in his Thriller outfit, who will teach the zombies to dance in the upcoming apocalypse.
@relatabledad: "hey is that a banana in your pock--" *his pants open* *a banana steps out* *it walks towards you* *it hugs you* "u have freed me. thank u
@Matt_the_1st: Cop: do you know why I pulled u over? Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there Cop:.... Me:.. Cop: sir, your tailamp is out Me:...