@GianDoh: Psst. The real reason Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting was to molt, mature & become Ryan Goose.
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@dshack8: So then I said, "Spit on it first, then see if it'll fit." ...And that's why my wife no longer allows me to help our son with puzzles.
@Midgetspar: On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment.
@ShawnIzadi: Password security questions be like: What's your middle name? Why are you single? What's wrong with your big toe?
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"