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@WildeThingy: Psychiatrist "Tell me about your trust issues."
@AimeeHelene1: I vacuumed up a huge spiderweb & then heard a thump in the workout room.
The spiders are lifting weights before they attack me aren't they?
@cynicanoldicus: Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain.
@nealbrennan: I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him.
@EndhooS: [Don't let hot barrista know I'm a goose]
"Can I get you a coffee?"
Just a honk chonklate for me
CHOCOLATE, a hot chocolate plz.
@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.