@SuperJuanderer: [psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive
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@sarcasticmommy4: I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off.
@vexroid: Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed
@PaperWash: mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother
@stockejock: Just told my kid her freckles are kisses from angels and she said freckles are actually clusters of concentrated melanin. THANKS NICK JR. :(