@ProdigyNelson: Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp-
Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card
Her: *softly* holy shit
@Laser_Cat: I fought the law, and it turns out they have better resources than I do.
@usermcuserface: Mary and Joseph watch the 3 wise men leave
M: I can't believe they went off the registry.
J: I know! Even the son of god needs burp cloths.
@frenchielaboozi: seems like you must have been preeeetty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
@ArfMeasures: ME: This car's perfect except for one thing
WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre-
ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect
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