@mstern68: Public bathrooms are why parkour was invented.
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@shkeeber: "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No you hang up" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I set a record for the rope climb in high school. 4-year-old: You climbed it the fastest? My wife: He cried the most.
@TheBoydP: [Jeopardy] Disease for $500 Alex "Dysentery, Typhoid, Bubonic Plague, Dengue Fever" What's better than catching a man cold? "Correct!"