@mstern68: Public bathrooms are why parkour was invented.
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@offbeatoliv: Half my family is Catholic, the other half Jewish, so when the tweet contest theme is "guilt" I pretty much have it in the bag.
@Amburglar_: I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.
@MariyaAlexander: I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it