@mstern68: Public bathrooms are why parkour was invented.
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@mickeza1: You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back. Are you raising an army for Mordor?
@Epygma: [Dads birthday] "Make a wish Dad" *Dad blows out candles *Looks around *Looks @ wife Where did our son go? -What son? *Dad cries with joy
@Crunk_Jews: You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits.