@MrT1M: Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
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@ibid78: [in hospital] -dude what happened? "I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"
@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Her: Prove that you care about me Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers
@WilliamAder: Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.