@MrT1M: Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
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@El_nacho_Nigre: So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?
@TheTweetOfGod: "Scientology" is a combination of "scient-," meaning "science," and "-ology," meaning "science." And it just gets stupider from there.
@IncrediblyRich: I'm going to skip home tonight because sometimes life is seriously brilliant. *throws confetti*
@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar