@imadepoopstoday: "Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names" - WTF? I've been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.
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@nerdreign: If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
@mommajessiec: Me: “Guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes.” 7yo: “Do I need to wear shoes?” Me: “Yes.” [4 minutes later] 7yo: “What about pants?”
@Angibangie: Once I ‘get’ a man, how do I keep him, you ask? It’s simple you idiot. I add cheese to everything. He makes lasagna; I add cheese. He wants to have a pass; I throw straight cheese. He wants to discuss fundamental physics; I buy string cheese...
@lisaxy424: My parents have been together for 40 years, and I don't even like seeing the same cashier twice in a row at the grocery store.