@imadepoopstoday: "Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names" - WTF? I've been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.
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@thenatewolf: Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken...
@david8hughes: [first day as Niagara Falls tour guide] And to the left you can see [frantically flips through your guide] water.