@dysalexia: Pulled out all of my eyelashes so I can make more wishes. 1st wish: MONEY! 2nd wish: FRIENDS! 3rd wish: eyelashes :(
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@3sunzzz: People are posting pictures of their Christmas trees all decorated, and I'm over here like, "Does anyone know if we have a clean plate?!"
@markedly: [christmas morning] ME: I have no gifts to bring EVERYONE: booooo ME: ...pa rum pum pum pum EVERYONE: yayyyyyy
@FrazzleMyGimp: FRIEND: Jack is sleeping, what should we do to him? TYLER: Shaving cream. MARK: Shaving cream. ME: Pay off his student loans. [they all look at me] ME: I mean shave him.
@Laser_Cat: "I live as a mountain man because I enjoy the isolation and I hate people. Film crews are cool though." - Mountain Men on History Channel