@dyldonot: *punches a fish* that's for tsunamis
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@1BigMick: If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.
@MatCro: IAN: I broke my leg once ME: I've never broken a bone, touch wood [touches wood] THE UNIVERSE: THIS MAN WILL NEVER BREAK A BONE
@Dawn_M_: My doctor said the claw marks on my face are not from a poltergeist but I should stop trying to put roller skates on cats.