@OhNoSheTwitnt: Purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable.
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@elle91: Got fired from the duty free store for never showing up which is very misleading and also bullshit.
@BwanaChris: My ex : "Explain yourself" Me : "Yourself" is used reflexively as the direct or indirect object of a verb or as the object of a preposition
@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade
@jonnysun: i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt have any chicken so i fried an egg adn waited a few years