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@mydmac: *pushes vending machine over
NO YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!
@rikpayne: People who say "Money doesn't grow on trees" don't understand the paper making process.
@daemonic3: Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming
"But dad we're goldfish"
Oh yeah, I forgot
@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out."
Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
@warmyellowlight: i don't see why i have to clean the shower. imo it is the shower's job to clean me
@NicestHippo: "I just love making people laugh" - me, explaining why I do sex