@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
@OBiiieeee: *i finally get a girl over*
*dad rolls out from under my bed*
YO SON WHATA YA CALL A PIG WHO DOES KARATE?
"dad no"
A PORK CHOP
@Brampersandon_: *tightens straps on electric chair*
Any last words?
-I think male oysters should be called boysters
Omg will someone throw the damn switch
@Sadieisonfire: I learned how to count cards so I could hustle idiot 4 year olds out of their juice box when we play Go Fish
@iwearaonesie: watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence
at least we don't have to save for college
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