@bazecraze: Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.
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@erica_rosie: One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
@ninetek: I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like "Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."
@AlexRogaski: Michael Cera forgets to do laundry and has to wear a doctor costume to the hospital. He's too shy to refuse people and performs 3 surgeries.
@ilovepie84: " So the boat was about to sink until I attached a sail to my boner and made it safely to shore" Me if I was on the Titanic.