@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"
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@philyuck: “Here we are.” I thought we were going to the camoflauge store? This is just an empty field. “No it’s not.” Oh this place is good.
@SteveSuckington: If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying, "hey, at least he died doing what he loved"
@DanMentos: [first date] "Tell me two interesting things about yourself" well I lie when I'm nervous… "ok…" and I invented oatmeal