@Howiesbookclub: Puts an "I love Daddy" shirt on my kids until they're old enough to read.
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@curlymalloy: I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!
@Brampersandon_: [Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship] *down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands* MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!
@Dani_Feld: Dear millionaires, If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong.
@iamspacegirl: Geppetto: I wish you were a real boy Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around* Geppetto: yay! [3 hrs later] Geppetto: This was a mistake