@Howiesbookclub: Puts an "I love Daddy" shirt on my kids until they're old enough to read.
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@Love_bug1016: I'm not saying I hate you but if you were on fire I'd bring sticks and marshmallows.
@Tbone7219: The cops just showed up at work & all the workers that have been in trouble before fled. At least that's what I can see from under my desk.
@rolldiggity: The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
@awesomeseank: Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher conference over drinks and "we'll see what happens" is considered inappropriate.