@HappyHijabbi: *Puts couch down as emergency contact*
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@LorieGZ: I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?
@_NTFG_: My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950.
@thejamietighe: In a car crash a dog would rescue you. However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court.