@CornOnTheGoblin: Good Cop: step away from the ledge Cat Cop [pushes person off] oops

@hurlarious: Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.

@iwearaonesie: if people really didn't want to hear smartass responses they wouldn't keep asking questions like "do you know why i pulled you over?"

@AndyAsAdjective: Wife: How many beers is that for you today, dear? Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

@daemonic3: Your honor, may I approach the bench? Judge: You may *benches 200lbs in 3 sets of 20 reps* The defense rests