@bransonbranson: *puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'
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@jlock17: If you're about to be attacked by a werewolf, loudly say "WHO'S GETTING A BATH? SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET A BATH!" and he'll run away and hide.
@KeetPotato: [answers my phone] "hello?" hey it's me, can you talk? "since i was two" no, can you talk now? "do you hear words coming out my mouth?"
@anthonyzach: Neighbours described the United Kingdom as a "quiet, well-mannered country" that "kept itself to itself".
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "He ran out of the restaurant, got in the car and drove off fast." Cop: 'Did you see his plate?" Ian: "Yeah. He was eating tacos."