@jaslakhmna: Alcohol because no great conversation ever started over a salad !

@badbanana: Girl, are you a glass of water because I think you're about to throw yourself at me.

@AntozWolf: Kinky is when you bring a feather into the bedroom. Perverted is when you bring the whole chicken.

@MrMichaelRose: I went to Lowe's to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don't exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them

@SomeChrisTweets: Tape a terrible drawing of a refrigerator onto your child.