@trevso_electric: If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder.

@caseytduncan: The mood took a dark turn when I intercepted the wedding bouquet and ran it back for a touchdown.

@LuvPug: A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller

@FlyoverJoel: Civil War reenactments are a lot like meetings. You do the same thing over and over again while waiting for your turn to die.

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes Noah's diary - 39th day: "The dragon pie was really scrumptious."