@sixthformpoet: Q: What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow? A: Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night?!
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@JessObsess: Him: sex tonight? Me: Work put me in a bad mood Him: tomorrow? Me: I have a headache tomorrow
@abbycohenwl: [Founding Fathers] -But how do we get court witnesses 2 tell the truth? -They swear on a bible? -Thats stupid -Hey lunch's here -Done[gavel]