@sixthformpoet: Q: What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow? A: Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night?!
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@Book_Krazy: Jack is coming over. "Jack from work or Jack and the..." [a beanstalk comes up through the floor and crashes through the ceiling]
@iamspacegirl: autocorrect: Tim! me: No no, autocorrect, this is TOM we know him. autocorrect*growling*: Tim. me *spritzing phone with water*: NO.