@neiltyson: QUESTION: What were the very first straws made of? ANSWER: Straw.
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@pizzajaynow: She asked me to buy Tampons so I bought Kotex, because that one time I wanted ice cream and she bought frozen yogurt.
@ibid78: Your first mistake was wearing heels in this dodgeball tournament, Jason. The second was thinking that they went with that dress.
@nowme_datta: How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries.
@Carbosly: There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I'll kill you all.