@neiltyson: QUESTION: What were the very first straws made of? ANSWER: Straw.
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@Elizasoul80: I can't believe I live in a world where our only defense against a blizzard is buying extra milk.
@caperbc75: "Can I help you find something?" I'm looking for the perfect diamond for my wife that says "sorry I cheated on you in your dream last nite"
@iAmDelFreaky: Somehow, I must have switched shopping carts while I was at the store. I don't remember buying any of this stuff. Or having an Asian baby.
@CheryeDavis: I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward.