@Ideal_Victoria: Quick! Does anyone know how I can get red wine off of my date’s white cat?!
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@JRehling: God talked to Jews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis.
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@slaughthie: I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said "day before Valentine's Day" like I'm some genius who knows when Valentine's Day is.