@Ideal_Victoria: Quick! Does anyone know how I can get red wine off of my date’s white cat?!
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@onion_an: Dentist: I'm going to take your tooth out Me: Ok then [later that evening] Dentist: Well this is nice My tooth: I'm having a lovely time
@rpbateman: Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol
@lawblob: Waldo books are cute until u learn he owes $100,000 in unpaid child support & is wanted for arson
@ibid78: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" *sighs* "Because I'm a sweater" "BECAUSE YOUR A SWE- hehe yeah that's weird but no. Tail light's out."