@JennyJohnsonHi5: Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let's go steal all their shit!
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@Go2Slp: "Oh, beautiful. Just perfect. I wonder if I'll be able to control myself... aaaand they're gone." - Me with Thin Mints, and women.
@mymumps: [covered in olive oil, salt, pepper and other herbs and spices] Professor: "That's just not what I meant when I said "come prepared"..."
@jus4golf: 15 just texted me that she was on her period and needed a chocolate bar. How absorbent could a chocolate bar even be?!