@JennyJohnsonHi5: Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let's go steal all their shit!
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@truegritrumble: MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you're not taking this seriously. ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?
@PaperWash: Super Mario is so unrealistic. No brother would ever help find his missing sister in law.
@kelkulus: Pretty sure that "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" is the kid's version of "Saw".
@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.