@LoveNLunchmeat: Quick question: How many bowls of mac and cheese can you eat during a Skype job interview before you look unprofessional?
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@RealGorillaNips: Officer: Do you know you have a blinker out? Me: Yes, officer. Officer: When did you plan on getting that fixed? Me: 2005
@fuzzlime: I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race
@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.
@sfreeze6: My resume is just an old VHS tape of the "Life Goes On" episode where Corky lip syncs "Fight the Power" for his school's talent show.