@Snarfernini: Quick! What's protocol for when he opens my car door for me and just shy of 7,000 Sonic straw wrappers fall out?
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@brothasoul: Mitt Romney: "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman..."
@too_chihuahua: Dad I'm gay *Dad rips newspaper* "WHAT" I like guys dad "Oh thank god. I thought you were happy for a second"
@Mr_Kapowski: To the cars honking behind me, Sorry I held up the drive thru line for 5 minutes counting to make sure I got all 50 of my McNuggets
@primawesome: My neighbor told me she doesn't care what people think about her. So I told her I think about her naked. Turns out she's a hypocrite.