@jwoodham: Quidditch is my kind of sport. You don't have to run, you get to sit the whole time, and if things aren't going well you can just fly home.
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@Bagyants: When a computer program says "Not Responding" I start texting it stuff like "Who are you with?" and "Just heard our song"
@JesKeepSwimming: The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.
@johnalogue: Thanks to whoever invented the mute button, because I can poop while on a conference call.
@OtherDanOBrien: DENTIST: Been flossing? ME: Yup D: [reaches into my mouth & pulls out a copy of the NY Times dated 7/5/14] I put this in there last time