@PaperWash: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips during a bank robbery*
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@AbbyHasIssues: Whenever someone says, “Good question” I never hear their answer because I’m too busy congratulating myself for asking such a good question.
@GringoBrulee: My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they're crying I can say "Gotham needs me"
@LoveNLunchmeat: We're all different. For example, some folks get up early to exercise... And others get up early to eat cookies before the kids wake up.
@BuckyIsotope: *visits new girlfriend's house for 1st time* "Make yourself at home" Great. Thanks! *I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*