@iwearaonesie: *quietly tries to open a bag of chips while son walks around looking for his bag of chips*
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@Brianhopecomedy: Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids.
@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job.
@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.