@DirtMcTurd: *quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiancé is reading her wedding vows*
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@serialmatrix: If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
@HeyZeus666: At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
@WilliamAder: Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
@UnFitz: 17: If I was gay would you still love me? Me: Of course. 17: If I committed crimes? Me: Yes. 17: If I voted for Trump- Me: Dead to me.