@lloydrang: "Quinoa" sounds like something a ninja would say before kicking you.
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@cramoska: Make people question sincerity by adding quotations to your cards: "Thank You" Get well "soon" "Congratulations" on the "baby"
@WildeThingy: Boss "I'm looking for a volunteer." Me *chops off own legs "I can't!" Co-worker "I'm busy, sorry." Me "damn, that's a better excuse."
@bourgeoisalien: I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day.